... that sometimes I'm waiting on the Lord out of fear instead of faith. I'm scared to move forward! I'm so terrified of going back to the person that I've been that I don't want to make any decisions and so I wait for God to shove me - and shove me hard at that.
I also realized that I don't fully rest in God's peace and presence. I'm tired. Here's the metaphor that God gave me last night about it: I'm tired because I'm basically treading water. Yes, God is taking care of me in that there are no sea creatures trying to eat me and the water stays pretty calm. But what I really want is to get on a raft and just bask in the Son (get it? Sun/Son. I love homophones!!) and blindly go where God sends me.
Maybe someday... maybe someday.