Anguish or awesome?

Today I had my first major outing since my 5 hours in the ER in the middle of the night Thursday night/Friday morning. My temperature spiked to 100.2 briefly yesterday afternoon, but has otherwise stayed under 100 for over 24, plus I'd been on antibiotics for over 48 hours (which is the recommendation to end being potentially contagious) so I headed to church. I made it to the zone coach meeting (we only have 2 a year... I can handle that) at 7:30 and taught my class at 8:45. Unfortunately, my lungs started to ache and I started to get woozy during the praise portion of service, so I spent the sermon snuggled up against Sheldon.

We had a guest speaker named Daniel Henderson because today was our church's prayer conference. The part of the message he was preaching that I actually got was to start your prayers in scripture. This is imperative because prayer is meant to be a CONVERSATION with God, and what better place to start a conversation with God than in His word? It's so simple and seemingly obvious, yet we as Christians forget that part all the time. When we pray passionately, and pray scripture based prayers, then God will answer them and delight in them.

There's also a part that emotionally filled me, and I didn't even see it coming. I know Mr. Henderson had no intention of doing this for me, either. But that's part of how awesome God is. He loves to just sneak little things in there for His beloved children. It came out of one small sentence said in passing to kind of stir up images to people to be more compassionate towards each other, to feel their anguish. It had to the total opposite effect on me. He said, "Agony over broken marriages, broken homes, broken families." Until today, every time I've heard mention of "broken marriages", I've felt a little sting. After all, no one actually wants to be a divorcee, no matter how bad the marriage was. Today, instead of that oh-so-familiar sting, I felt something completely different. I was AWED BY MY GOD. My God took 2 people who come from broken marriages, from broken families, and put them together to make a new family. He patiently and painfully watched all the hurt, anger, and pain we went through with our divorces and when we were ready, He put us together. He placed us next to each other and gave us hearts that passionately love each other and more importantly, HIM. He shaped us through those adversities to create us into people who are determined and devoted to making Him the center of our relationship and the foundation of the new family He's building with us. That is AMAZING. There are a lot of people in the church who look down on us for being divorced, regardless of the reasons for the splits or the fact that neither of us are the ones who initiated them. There are people who see us as used and unable to get God's full blessing from marriage because we've been married before. I was scared for a while that I would always be "used" and now I see so clearly how untrue that is. I see how the woman that was in that marriage is no more, just as the man who was in Sheldon's marriage is no more. We're new creations, and we were designed from the beginning of time to walk the paths we have walked to bring us to the present, where we are 2 people preparing to spend a lifetime together, loving each other and loving our Lord.

Getting divorced SUCKED. But then again, it also gave me the greatest gifts I've ever received. So at the end of the day, I guess you could say I'm grateful. :-)

Everybody knows that OU STEALS SOCKS!

I love the rivalry. I really do. I love Sooner jokes. I truly believe that OU sucks.

That being said, I found this video from iamsecond.com on a friend's facebook page and it's a great reminder that there's something MUCH larger than this rivalry.

Watch the video and remember that win or lose, we're all second to God.

Why you so smiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiley?

I'm just going to take a moment to count my blessings, mkay?

-I have a great family. Especially the ones who leave snarky comments about adorable shirts on my sweet babies.
-I have a fantastic boyfriend. If only he didn't snore... God, could you help us out on that one? hehehe
-I have the most amazing friends anyone could ever ask for. Smart, funny, loving, talented, generally awesome, etc. They can make the darkest day sparkle like a Cullen in the sun. (Sorry, I just wanted to toss some Twilight in there for good measure.)
-Have you seen my baby kitties? I mean, seriously.
-We have tickets to the UT game this weekend which means 2 MUCH NEEDED days in Austin with some of those afore mentioned friends and that amazing boyfriend.
-Oh, and I got a job today.

I trust the Lord to provide, and He does not disappoint.

Prayer request

After spending Thursday afternoon thru Sunday evening with Sheldon's kids, the deal is sealed and my heart is so theirs. Would you please pray for their safety and that God would put the balls in motion to place them in the safest environment?



How could you say no to that?

clarification

I reread my last entry and realized that it just might appall some real moms. I just want to clarify that I'm not trying to be their mother. They have a mother, and she will always be that to them. My role will be their step-mom, and that's exactly what I want to be. I mean, I obviously want to be more to them than just "Daddy's girlfriend" or at some point "Daddy's wife" (yea, I just said that). We were very clear with the kids that neither of us will ever ask them to call me "Mom", that it will always be up to them what they call me. I'm not trying to adopt them or turn them against their mom or anything like that.

I hope no one took it as anything other than that.

Motherhood 101

Last week, I got to experience being a mom. I mean, I've spent a lot of time with kids (some of them may have even been your kids, in fact), but this was an entirely new arena for me. I was the mom in the story.

Sheldon has 2 beautiful kids. Cherie is 7 and Owen is 4. On Tuesday, we went and had lunch at school with Cherie. SO FUN! That evening, his ex called and said the a/c was broken at her house and could he take the kids for the night. Well, he was on call for work, and I live about 10 minutes from their school so the obvious solution was for them to stay with me. We got them dinner, I made Cherie a lunch for the next day (she said she was just in the mood to bring a lunch instead of buying a tray), got them situated in bed, got them up the next morning (Cherie is an easy morning kid. Owen - not so much.), and got her off to school (Owen only goes in the afternoons). Drinking my coffee while I got them breakfast, doing her hair, etc. was so good. It's a routine I could get very used to. I'm crazy about these kids, y'all. During visitation on Thursday night, I was assured that the feeling is mutual. We went to Target to get Owen a new backpack for school (Transformers, of course) and it looked like his face hurt the grin was so huge. It redefined beaming for me. Before dinner, we were in the car and talking about the future with the kids, and Cherie informed me that she wants to call me "Mom". I thought my heart was going to EXPLODE. There's a Psalm that says "I will make the barren woman the mother of joyful children." I honestly feel like they're the fulfillment of that for me.

Sheldon is fantastic. He's normal and likes the things I do, but he also encourages me to grow spiritually, which is something that's been lacking in every relationship I've ever had. He supports me in every way possible and has all the attributes I know that God has always wanted for me in my match. Okay, he's not that tall, but I can still wear heels and not look silly, so that's an acceptable compromise. Our relationship feels very natural and, quite frankly, pleasing to God. We want the same things in life and for our children. He said the way the kids and I are with each other is more comfortable and easy than any of the other women he's dated since he and their mom split. All things work together for the good of those who love the Lord. I believe that Sheldon and I went through our first marriages because they were molding us into who we are now and how we fit together as a pair. All the things that I was insecure about before I'm honest with him about and he takes extra care in those areas, strengthening them and enabling my growth. I'm an individual, with my own interests and activities, but instead of feeling like those things are taking away from my relationship with him, I know that they enrich it. He honestly makes me feel like the scripture about a good wife being a woman who is to be treasured above rubies. He has seen me crying and venting and generally ugly, and he doesn't care. It doesn't bother him that I'm human. So basically, he's exceptionally good for me.

I like being in this family. I like cuddling on the couch and talking about things we want for the kids, how excited we are about getting them into church and raising them with Jesus in their lives. I like when we talk about growing old together. We've decided that our dating time is in dog years or something. We're pretty sure we've been dating at least 6 months now. And we're certain that we're very much in love and blessed by each other.

My new address...

Okay, not really. I swear I feel like I live at the hospital! Apparently, the reason I haven't found a full time job yet is because God still needs to me to take care of my mom a little bit longer. My mom was admitted on Saturday night to the hospital with severe abdominal pain and vomiting. After 2 days, 2 x-rays and a CT scan, she called me Monday night a little after 10pm to let me know she was being taken in for emergency surgery because they found a bowel blockage. By Tuesday morning, they'd removed 8 inches of her small intestine, her appendix (if you're already in there, might as well!) and approximately 2 liters of fluid that were just chillin' in her abdomen. Her small intestine had gotten wedged between some scar tissue and subsequently pinched closed. She's in ICU now, waiting for a room to free up in the med/surge wing (should be tomorrow), but she's feeling wonderful and her gastrointerologist told her tonight she's doing remarkably well. I feel pretty confident that this will be her last surgery for a good long time and that she's finally on the road to independent living again!

The biggest difference between this round of hospital time and the 2+ months in the spring has been Sheldon. After how amazing he's been for me this week (and because I met his wonderful children), there's no hesitation left and we are officially a couple. He sat in the ER with my mom and me on Saturday night and helped me get her settled into her room. We were there until 2am. I was with him when she called me about surgery on Monday night, and he just held me and let me vent about it. He told me that I can always talk to him about it because he wants to be there for me. He went with me to visit her at the hospital last night and is going again tomorrow. I've been taking care of her for so long now and it gets hard and really wears on me. To have someone in my life again who wants to and enjoys taking care of me is so good. He is exactly what I need in my life right now.