Saturday, January 23, 2010

It's official!!

The judge approved our divorce papers on Wednesday, and our final hearing was Friday morning at 8:30. Poor Sheldon. Denver called the house to get some information for the paperwork at the hearing and since I was at work, Sheldon had to talk to him and get the info. Not that D was rude or anything, but that's so uncomfortable and awkward, to say the least. But Sheldon's a trooper and was polite about it, despite the fact that he said he was fighting the urge to tell D off. I'm glad he refrained. Deep down, he knows what he did to me, what he put me through, that he is a liar and all the other things that make him an awful person. He changed so much, and I'm afraid that everything in him that was good and wonderful is gone, all the things that made me love him have been discarded. What a loss.

I am incredibly blessed to be with Sheldon. He is crazy and ridiculous and grumpy and stinky and generally fantastic. It is the best feeling to know that I fully belong to him now, that there's not still D lingering with the courts to prevent me from being 100% his. Now that I'm divorced, I actually feel that giddy, engaged feeling. I'm ready to be committed to him in every sense of the word. I'm ready to make the commitment to him legally and, more importantly, with God. He and I really will spend the rest of our lives together. He will stand by me in the good times and the bad. He is ready to face good years and not so good years with me. We do not go to bed angry. Every day we work to make us work, and we make sure that we include God. Its how marriage was supposed to be. I'm so lucky!

Here's to going Green!!

Friday, January 1, 2010

Happy New Year!

I'm not making any specific resolutions this year because, well, I failed last year. Instead, I'm just resolving to be BETTER. I'm already leaps and bounds ahead of who I was a year ago, and I trust that I will be even further ahead in a year.

I was so sad when I started 2009 and I was so happy when it ended. Not happy because it was ending, but happy because of all the new, better, amazing things in my life. I started the year feeling pretty isolated, with none of my best friends in the same city, and most not even in the same country, as me. I was still praying for my marriage to be healed. I was kind of desperate. I was desperate for change. And 2009 sure did bring the change!

Towards the end of the year, I was more disappointed that my divorce wasn't finalized on time than I ever in a million years would have guessed I'd be! The times with him and the times missing him feel like distant memories these days. In their place, I am building new, wonderful memories with the family God has blessed me with. I don't feel like I'm intruding or forcing myself into this new family. Instead, it feels like these 3 people were placed into my life by God, hand picked to fill my heart in places I didn't realize were empty! I mean, sure I had thought my heart wasn't intact anymore, but I have been proved so very wrong. God knew they were waiting for me, and He was shaping me for them, for me to fill a void they had in their family. In 2010, we (all 4 of us!) are eager to make our family of 4 a family of 5. What gender the 5th member should be depends on who you ask, but no matter what, he or she is waited for and already loved. He/she is already being prayed for by his/her parents and big sister. We call him/her "Promise" because we believe that God has promised us a 5th member of our family.

I went through a lot with my parents, mostly my mom, this year. My mom had 7 or 8 (I stopped counting) surgeries this year, most of them on her left knee. She is not a good patient. It wore on me so much to be taking care of her seemingly non-stop. Sheldon and I had only been dating for a few weeks when she was rushed in for emergency surgery. For the first time in the whole ordeal, I had someone to take care of me. I had someone to let me just unload all the feelings I had. I had someone who would help me take care of her (although he missed the really fun weeks when I was setting up her iv for her at least once, sometimes twice a day), someone who would spend time at the hospital so I could have time to do things that I needed to do. It showed me so much about who he is, deep inside. It taught me about his character, and I knew even more certainly that I had found someone so incredibly special. We were at the hospital spending time with my mom the first time I told him I loved him, in fact! Having a partner, a true partner, to walk beside me and hold me up through all of this stuff has been HUGE. God knew how much I needed it, and in His (always) perfect timing, He gave Sheldon to me.

I finally started working again this year. I don't make a million dollars, and I only work 30 hours a week, but I like where I am, I've already advanced in the company, and for now, it's perfect for me. It helps me to spend more time with my family (the ones I had before and my new one) and doesn't feel beneath me, which I was afraid would happen when I was having so much trouble finding a job. Just like with Sheldon, God put this job here for me at the exact right time.

I am so grateful for the blessings I have. If it wasn't for Jesus, I know that I would not have made it through the months upon months of heartache and agony I went through. I would not have made it through the months of nursing and being pretty much a servant for my mom. He sustained me, and His promises kept me. He is so faithful, and He loves me so! He has changed so much of what was bringing me down, and I'm glad that I went through the awful parts because it taught me to trust in Him and seek Him first all the time. It changed a lot of who I am, and how I see things. I'm grateful for that.

So for 2010...

Sheldon and I start the Marriage Matters course at our church on January 25th. Its a 9 week course that we know will set us up for success with our marriage. We've both seen the ugliest parts of marriage, and we know that no matter what, this time around will be different and better. We strive to put the Lord first in our lives and our relationship, and this class will give us tools to really do that. It also will help us with communication and other things, all from a scripture perspective. We're STOKED! With God, we cannot fail. The class will be finished in March, and we'll be getting married probably in June.

The year is just full of so much hope and promise. I'm blown away by all that God has already done, and I can't wait to see what He has in store for the next year!