Thursday, August 13, 2009

My new address...

Okay, not really. I swear I feel like I live at the hospital! Apparently, the reason I haven't found a full time job yet is because God still needs to me to take care of my mom a little bit longer. My mom was admitted on Saturday night to the hospital with severe abdominal pain and vomiting. After 2 days, 2 x-rays and a CT scan, she called me Monday night a little after 10pm to let me know she was being taken in for emergency surgery because they found a bowel blockage. By Tuesday morning, they'd removed 8 inches of her small intestine, her appendix (if you're already in there, might as well!) and approximately 2 liters of fluid that were just chillin' in her abdomen. Her small intestine had gotten wedged between some scar tissue and subsequently pinched closed. She's in ICU now, waiting for a room to free up in the med/surge wing (should be tomorrow), but she's feeling wonderful and her gastrointerologist told her tonight she's doing remarkably well. I feel pretty confident that this will be her last surgery for a good long time and that she's finally on the road to independent living again!

The biggest difference between this round of hospital time and the 2+ months in the spring has been Sheldon. After how amazing he's been for me this week (and because I met his wonderful children), there's no hesitation left and we are officially a couple. He sat in the ER with my mom and me on Saturday night and helped me get her settled into her room. We were there until 2am. I was with him when she called me about surgery on Monday night, and he just held me and let me vent about it. He told me that I can always talk to him about it because he wants to be there for me. He went with me to visit her at the hospital last night and is going again tomorrow. I've been taking care of her for so long now and it gets hard and really wears on me. To have someone in my life again who wants to and enjoys taking care of me is so good. He is exactly what I need in my life right now.

Thursday, August 6, 2009

why you so quiet?

Every time I've felt a tug to blog in the past 6 weeks or so, the urge has left me rapidly. I was talking about it with my amazing sister in law today and after several people nudged me about my lack of entries recently, the real reason I've been so stinkin' quiet hit me: I just wasn't ready to share with everyone what I've really been up to. I started this blog to force myself to be fully honest, so it's time to rip the proverbial band-aid off and talk about what many people already know.

When D posted on facebook about his new girl-whatever, it hurt me REAL bad. But that announcement was the nail in the coffin of our relationship. I am fully at terms with the fact that I will love him until the day I die, but I'm so not in love anymore. I can't be in love with someone who can do the things to me that he's done to me. I deserve better than that, for 2 reasons: 1. I could not and would not ever do those things to someone and 2. because of Who I belong to. Its just not what God would ever choose for me. When my tears dried and the sting was gone, I knew I was over it. So I've been dating. I started dating a few days after I got back from California in June. I've been on dates with some awesome guys and some, well, not so awesome guys. There was one that I could see a real future with - smart, stable job, respected me, loves the Lord, made me laugh, and was way into family - but that didn't pan out after a few weeks. Now I've been seeing someone for about 3 weeks. My parents think he's great. His parents think I'm great. He treats me AMAZING. He loves the Lord and has morals and beliefs that compliment my own. I'm hesitant to say that I'm his girlfriend, but in practice, I obviously am. I'm not rushing in to things, especially since my divorce isn't final yet, but I'm pretty happy about things.

I'm so ready to be divorced. All that's left is for us to split up our debt for paperwork and then for him to file the final decree. I don't encourage divorce, and I do believe that God has called us to stay married, but I also have come to fully embrace the belief that sometimes things break because they need to be replaced, not because they need to be fixed. God's best for me is to be divorced. I've seen more and more as I've been going through this that there are people that this is true for. I don't regret that marriage because I learned what I really want, what really matters, and that I'm better than the BS reasons I was fed. God was there and God has blessed me through it.

So that's that. Now I just need a full time job (because I do love being with Baby A a day or 2 a week, but...) and to move out on my own again. God has a plan for me, and I know 100% that I am making choices with Him now.

So there you have it. Now I'll do my best to be a more consistent blogger again.