Thursday, August 6, 2009

why you so quiet?

Every time I've felt a tug to blog in the past 6 weeks or so, the urge has left me rapidly. I was talking about it with my amazing sister in law today and after several people nudged me about my lack of entries recently, the real reason I've been so stinkin' quiet hit me: I just wasn't ready to share with everyone what I've really been up to. I started this blog to force myself to be fully honest, so it's time to rip the proverbial band-aid off and talk about what many people already know.

When D posted on facebook about his new girl-whatever, it hurt me REAL bad. But that announcement was the nail in the coffin of our relationship. I am fully at terms with the fact that I will love him until the day I die, but I'm so not in love anymore. I can't be in love with someone who can do the things to me that he's done to me. I deserve better than that, for 2 reasons: 1. I could not and would not ever do those things to someone and 2. because of Who I belong to. Its just not what God would ever choose for me. When my tears dried and the sting was gone, I knew I was over it. So I've been dating. I started dating a few days after I got back from California in June. I've been on dates with some awesome guys and some, well, not so awesome guys. There was one that I could see a real future with - smart, stable job, respected me, loves the Lord, made me laugh, and was way into family - but that didn't pan out after a few weeks. Now I've been seeing someone for about 3 weeks. My parents think he's great. His parents think I'm great. He treats me AMAZING. He loves the Lord and has morals and beliefs that compliment my own. I'm hesitant to say that I'm his girlfriend, but in practice, I obviously am. I'm not rushing in to things, especially since my divorce isn't final yet, but I'm pretty happy about things.

I'm so ready to be divorced. All that's left is for us to split up our debt for paperwork and then for him to file the final decree. I don't encourage divorce, and I do believe that God has called us to stay married, but I also have come to fully embrace the belief that sometimes things break because they need to be replaced, not because they need to be fixed. God's best for me is to be divorced. I've seen more and more as I've been going through this that there are people that this is true for. I don't regret that marriage because I learned what I really want, what really matters, and that I'm better than the BS reasons I was fed. God was there and God has blessed me through it.

So that's that. Now I just need a full time job (because I do love being with Baby A a day or 2 a week, but...) and to move out on my own again. God has a plan for me, and I know 100% that I am making choices with Him now.

So there you have it. Now I'll do my best to be a more consistent blogger again.


Laura and Lane said...

OMG so proud of you and excited!!! How amazing and awesome girl!!!!! May God continue to bless you in only the ways He can.

Annie said...

You are amazing and inspiring. That's all I have to say about that.