Wednesday, July 1, 2009

We're all just big kids.

Okay, okay. I've slacked. I've given you little nudges and waves, but nothing of substance. Well, yesterday God gave me some substance, so I'm going to pass that along to you. Here's a scripture and some Beth Moore (from her Breaking Free Day by Day devotional) to set the mood, per say.

He has torn us, and He will heal us; He has wounded us, and He will bind up our wounds. Hosea 6:1

Are you beginning to see the intimate activity of Christ when we're devastated? And to think, this is the same One we accuse of not caring when the crushing moment comes.

Perhaps the most profound miracle of all is living through something we thought would kill us. And not just living, but living abundantly and effectively - raised from living death to a new life. Yes, it's a life that is indeed absent of something or someone dear to you, but it is filled with the presence of the Resurrection and the Life. Will you continue to sit in a dark tomb or will you walk into the light of resurrection life?

I was so mad at God for so long, friends. It was obvious. And I'm not going to pretend I don't still have moments where the little girl in me wants to throw a tantrum and be mad at my Father because I'm not getting what I want. There's a reason we're called the CHILDREN of God and not the offspring or some such other word that would indicate becoming adults in Him. You can reach spiritual maturity, obviously, but that doesn't make you any less prone to childish fits and behaviors. The thing that makes us MATURE is knowing that we're doing it and striving to get past it. That's what I feel it means to walk in the Light.

When everything fell apart, I was pissed, but I knew God was there. As it dragged on for a year and a half, I got mad and felt ditched. I was angry that God would leave me in such a crappy position for so long, answering my prayers with resounding "WAIT"s. But He tore me, and now He's healing me.

Going to California got me away from my present. I mean, it took 2 days to get there, so OBVIOUSLY it was a necessary distance. Things were put into a different perspective for me. New things were introduced to my heart, and I got to see that it's not as shattered as I thought it still was. Still a bit fragile, still exceptionally vulnerable, but the wounds are becoming scabs and the scabs are becoming scars. Scars show we've loved. But now I'm ready to love someone else. Someone who won't discard me. Someone who loves the Lord more than he loves me, because I will always love the Lord first, too. Ahhh the maturity.

1 comment:

Mama said...

Wonderful insight - Your heart is being restored, and I am eagerly awaiting the day (that WILL come)when God fully restores your dreams for the future, too.