Sunday, July 18, 2010

joy and pain

So, July has been more of a roller coaster than I ever could have imagined. I have felt the happiest I've ever felt in my life and then turned around and felt absolutely destroyed. Everything can change in an instant.

On July 2nd, Clear Blue Easy changed our lives when the little plus sign appeared. I would love to say that I shared that with Sheldon in some adorable loving way. Nope. I ran into our room and started shaking him going, "SheldonI'mpregnant!" over and over, until he finally woke up. I wanted to scream and cry and shake all at the same time. Excited doesn't even begin to cover how we felt.

I was sick to my stomach our entire trip to the beach, and the actual puking started Sunday evening. I kept being reminded that being sick is a good thing when you're pregnant. I puked and tried to sleep every spare minute for a week. And was over the moon about the little person growing inside me.

Then the ride sped up. On the 11th, we spent 4 hours at the er because I started to spot. The bleeding stopped, my hormone levels were fine, but the ultrasounds showed nothing. Literally. Nothing. That's not uncommon at 6 weeks, so they told me to follow up with my ob. We went to the ob the next day. My pelvic exam was normal, so they did some blood work to check my hormone levels. I started feeling better about the situation and let my excitement come flooding back. Tuesday the ride dropped again. My nurse left a voicemail saying my hormone levels were lower and for me to come have blood work done again. My excitement vanished. Wednesday morning, I called to get the details. She had nothing good to tell me. By lunchtime, I was full on bleeding and the physical pain had rolled in. We spent 7 hours in the hospital to leave with a prescription for vicodin and paperwork with the worst word ever as the diagnosis: miscarriage.

I've been very blessed with incredibly supportive friends and family. I don't understand why I seem to be so unable to stay pregnant. I don't understand why God took this pregnancy away from us. All I know is that He has a plan bigger than me, Sheldon, or a baby. We'll just have to try again and when the time is right, that pregnancy will make it.

Monday, July 12, 2010

bunch of stuff crammed into 1 entry without a clever title

I know. I know. I should be better about blogging. I have been slacking at uploading pictures, and the only other stuff I wanna blog about isn't really appropriate, so I basically just haven't been bothering to blog. I think I can improve. I know I can.

It's July so we have the kids for the entire month. It's such a blessing, even when they make me crazy. The longest I've gotten to be with them was the 10 days at Christmas, so this is fun. As much as I complain about our living arrangement, I've been pretty grateful for my mom when we both need to be at work. I can just let them sleep in and quietly sneak out at 7:45. That's right, Moms. My kids sleep well past 8am almost every day. The other morning, Sheldon woke them up at 9:30. Owen had been asleep for almost 13 hours at that point. Little dude was just worn out I guess!

We went down to Galveston for the weekend of the 4th with my brother's family. That's always a good time. The kids are pretty much obsessed with each other and shockingly don't fight. I'm sure they will eventually, but for now, we bask in the awesome of that. It rained pretty much the entire way down on Friday, but we woke up Saturday to beautiful sunny skies. We spent the morning at the beach, there was a short storm around lunch time, and then in the afternoon, the men set up the giant water slide pool thing for the kids to play on while they grilled some dinner. Sunday morning, we had another great morning at the beach with an afternoon of the kids on the water slide. It was a lot of fun, even if I did get burnt beyond recognition despite my liberal use and reapplication of sunblock. I'm still peeling and the blisters on my boobs make people cringe. They don't really hurt anymore. Its okay.

Sheldon was on nights this past week so I was single mommin' it in the evenings. Owen is extremely spirited and has some pretty rough days with the whole obeying, keeping his hands to himself, telling the truth, and making good decisions in general. I teetered on the edge. This past Sunday, we had a guest speaker at our church. Ben Glenn spoke a few years ago, and I really enjoyed it. When they announced he was coming back this year, I was really excited and started hyping it up to Sheldon and the kids. Little did I know that God was about to put a big ol' serving of truth in my heart. He told stories about his childhood and how his parents handled it. He told stories about his own kids. After the stressful week I'd had, it really ministered to me about patience and grace. Owen snuggled up next to me during the sermon and it just filled me how much I love the little guy, even when he pushes me to the brink. And then I started crying when he went to the prayer alter and just poured his little heart out to Jesus. It was pretty amazing.

And that's how we rock the suburbs.