Happy New Year!

I'm not making any specific resolutions this year because, well, I failed last year. Instead, I'm just resolving to be BETTER. I'm already leaps and bounds ahead of who I was a year ago, and I trust that I will be even further ahead in a year.

I was so sad when I started 2009 and I was so happy when it ended. Not happy because it was ending, but happy because of all the new, better, amazing things in my life. I started the year feeling pretty isolated, with none of my best friends in the same city, and most not even in the same country, as me. I was still praying for my marriage to be healed. I was kind of desperate. I was desperate for change. And 2009 sure did bring the change!

Towards the end of the year, I was more disappointed that my divorce wasn't finalized on time than I ever in a million years would have guessed I'd be! The times with him and the times missing him feel like distant memories these days. In their place, I am building new, wonderful memories with the family God has blessed me with. I don't feel like I'm intruding or forcing myself into this new family. Instead, it feels like these 3 people were placed into my life by God, hand picked to fill my heart in places I didn't realize were empty! I mean, sure I had thought my heart wasn't intact anymore, but I have been proved so very wrong. God knew they were waiting for me, and He was shaping me for them, for me to fill a void they had in their family. In 2010, we (all 4 of us!) are eager to make our family of 4 a family of 5. What gender the 5th member should be depends on who you ask, but no matter what, he or she is waited for and already loved. He/she is already being prayed for by his/her parents and big sister. We call him/her "Promise" because we believe that God has promised us a 5th member of our family.

I went through a lot with my parents, mostly my mom, this year. My mom had 7 or 8 (I stopped counting) surgeries this year, most of them on her left knee. She is not a good patient. It wore on me so much to be taking care of her seemingly non-stop. Sheldon and I had only been dating for a few weeks when she was rushed in for emergency surgery. For the first time in the whole ordeal, I had someone to take care of me. I had someone to let me just unload all the feelings I had. I had someone who would help me take care of her (although he missed the really fun weeks when I was setting up her iv for her at least once, sometimes twice a day), someone who would spend time at the hospital so I could have time to do things that I needed to do. It showed me so much about who he is, deep inside. It taught me about his character, and I knew even more certainly that I had found someone so incredibly special. We were at the hospital spending time with my mom the first time I told him I loved him, in fact! Having a partner, a true partner, to walk beside me and hold me up through all of this stuff has been HUGE. God knew how much I needed it, and in His (always) perfect timing, He gave Sheldon to me.

I finally started working again this year. I don't make a million dollars, and I only work 30 hours a week, but I like where I am, I've already advanced in the company, and for now, it's perfect for me. It helps me to spend more time with my family (the ones I had before and my new one) and doesn't feel beneath me, which I was afraid would happen when I was having so much trouble finding a job. Just like with Sheldon, God put this job here for me at the exact right time.

I am so grateful for the blessings I have. If it wasn't for Jesus, I know that I would not have made it through the months upon months of heartache and agony I went through. I would not have made it through the months of nursing and being pretty much a servant for my mom. He sustained me, and His promises kept me. He is so faithful, and He loves me so! He has changed so much of what was bringing me down, and I'm glad that I went through the awful parts because it taught me to trust in Him and seek Him first all the time. It changed a lot of who I am, and how I see things. I'm grateful for that.

So for 2010...

Sheldon and I start the Marriage Matters course at our church on January 25th. Its a 9 week course that we know will set us up for success with our marriage. We've both seen the ugliest parts of marriage, and we know that no matter what, this time around will be different and better. We strive to put the Lord first in our lives and our relationship, and this class will give us tools to really do that. It also will help us with communication and other things, all from a scripture perspective. We're STOKED! With God, we cannot fail. The class will be finished in March, and we'll be getting married probably in June.

The year is just full of so much hope and promise. I'm blown away by all that God has already done, and I can't wait to see what He has in store for the next year!