I was praying last night and I started going through the blessings in my life, taking stock of all the steps God's helped me take lately, and I was kind of overwhelmed by the progress and awesomeness of it all. Its a fantastic feeling when you can literally see God moving. It helps keep you grounded in your faith and not feel like an idiot. I must confess, I'd been struggling with some doubt. When you have people in your life who aren't believers and you're going through a course on the fundamentals, I think its only natural to question your own faith: why DO I believe that? Thankfully, I was honest with God about it, told Him my struggle and sat quiet. He took care of it!
I believe that I have finally almost completely (or as completely as I probably ever will) come to terms with my miscarriage. The fact that right now is when I would have been due or would already have the baby has weighed on me. Its not a good feeling. But my bitterness towards others and, well, God, has been removed. That's part of faith. Its knowing and trusting God to bless me in His time and not when I want it. Its being mature enough to be realistic and see the bigger picture of things.
I had that dream about God a few weeks ago, remember? Well, God brought it back up with me last night. He showed me with one sentence exactly why He put me in a situation, and holy moly was it huge. He has entrusted me with an amazing task, and I'm excited for the opportunity to be used by THE LORD like that. ME! Me with all my baggage and flaws and ridiculousness! It's just so big time. Pray for me, y'all, that I will be open for Him to flow through me.
I ran into one of my Sunday school kiddos when I was out and about running errands yesterday. Her mom was like, "She really just loves having you as her teacher," and I said, "Well, that's great because I'm moving up to 1st grade with them in August!" They were both (hooray! The parents trust me with their kids!) very excited about that. It was a great confirmation that I'm doing something right with those little angels every week.
I took stock of the company I keep and can honestly say that I have never had such substantial and quality love in my life. The people who are my super besties are some of the most incredible people you will ever meet, and they all think I'm some kind of special, too. No matter how crappy my CIRCUMSTANCES are, I know that they aren't who I am. They are just circumstances, and they will change. But who I am on the inside is constant, and that's the best part of me. That's the part of me that has made me worthy of such wonderful companionship.
With a prayer full of that stuff, its just about impossible to not feel full, isn't it? I hope your lives are feeling just as blessed!