DANG! So I felt like I'd just let a bunch out on my previous post and I set about catching up on everyone else's blog. God went ahead and showed me that I had not, in fact, gotten it all out.
This is a snippet from Christina's blog that just pretty much knocked me on my butt. She was writing about a book called Passion and Purity by Elisabeth Elliot. This quote is a direct quote from the book:
"...I have to give him to the Lord regularly...I've told the Lord I want to be an obedient servant, and He shot back, 'And are you willing to face grief and pain or whatever it takes for Me to make you that?' Even though I felt unable, I said, 'what choice do I have? I know too much to drop the ball now. There's no turning back.' I'd be lying if I said I wasn't afraid. But He has brought me this far and already my joy is unspeakable."
That's the thing about following Christ's will for your life... its not always the easy path that feels nice. But it is ALWAYS the best path. I have faced huge amounts of pain and grief in the past year and a half, but the growth of intimacy between Jesus and me that it has fostered has been the source of my biggest joy. I wouldn't choose to do it again, and I wouldn't recommend it for others, but when things bring you closer to God, how can they not be worth it?