Tuesday, March 1, 2011

T-minus 8 weeks

I have officially hit 29 weeks. That means I have been aware that I'm pregnant (and, yunno, throwing up) for 26 weeks. When you say it in weeks, it doesn't seem that long. When you say "for 6 months", it sounds longer. When you live it, it feels like infinity.

I'm excited. I'm starting to get nervous about a few things, mostly nursing and the changes it will bring to our time with the big kids (who we are still desperately missing, but hopeful that after court next week, will be getting back to some semblance of normalcy with.) Emotionally, I'm so ready. I don't really sleep more than 2 or 3 hours at a time now, so the sleep deprivation isn't that scary. One of the perks of being a [step]mommy and not just a new-mommy-in-waiting is that I have been able to reflect on my experiences with them, which helps me prepare for the challenges ahead. I am sad when I think about all the things I wish I'd done differently so far, and grateful that God gives us opportunities every day to be better, to love better. The way that those 2 kids have changed my heart has shown me so fully that God called me to motherhood, and I'm humbled. Whenever I get frustrated with them, He inevitably reminds me (not instantly, but eventually... when I'm ready to hear) what a huge privilege He's given me, trusting me with these people that ultimately belong to Him. That should be terrifying, but somehow it's not. It gives me perspective to see how I need to shape and change my own walk, how I can live my life more completely for Him, by His standards and teachings, to better model it for them. We are so deliberate about modelling marriage for them, showing them how a couple is meant to love. They see us argue, and they always see us make up. We strive to show them our imperfections and are intentional about telling them that parents aren't perfect, that we make mistakes, but that we try our best and that the only perfect person is Jesus. This is true for every type of relationship they will have in life. Relationships are not the only thing we are commanded to model for our children, so I have lots of opportunities for growth! As much as I'm excited to cuddle and kiss Eli, I'm also excited to teach him to pray, to apologize when he's wrong, and to have a heart that longs for Jesus. The day Cherie was baptized, I was crying. To watch this little person that I love so much declare her love for our Lord and her desire to live for His glory was huge! I can't wait for the day I see my sons do the same, and I know I will be just as teary and joyful.

That really wasn't where I was planning on going with this entry. I was planning on gushing about how we're pre-registered at the hospital, that Eli's healthy and great, and how the plan right now is to be admitted on Easter Sunday to get things started and give birth on Monday, April 25th. I want to nest, and thankfully my heartburn has been obliging and letting me do tons of laundry and organize things to start situating Eli's stuff. But I got distracted with by the most important and rewarding aspect of motherhood. I mean, the simplest moments of joy are when they smile at you, when they hug and/or kiss you, hearing them laugh, etc. But the eternal joy is being a part of showing your children the most important thing in life: God. That's the mission field God has called me to, and I am a very willing worker.

So, yea. We'll celebrate the resurrection of our King, and then we'll celebrate the birth of our precious gift from Him. Sounds like a pretty great way to end the month of April, doesn't it?

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