Friday, May 7, 2010

What makes a mom?

I really really love all the commercials lately that recognize that in a person's life, they will have multiple mother figures. There will (and obviously can only) be one woman who actually gave birth to you, but who says you're only allowed one mother?

It's not weird. It's really not. Growing up, I honestly felt like I had a handful of moms because of the amount of time my friends and I spent with each others' families. There are several now-ladies that Lyss and I "adopted" in college. They gave us Mother's Day gifts and everything! Libby still calls me Mama and calls Sheldon her "new daddy". My brother in law calls his biological mother and my mother in law "Mom" because they both fill that role in his life. I hosted a bridal shower a few weeks ago for my sweet friend Ana and there were 2 women there that she considered her mother. How many women call their mother in law "Mom"? I can name at least 10 on that one. Sheldon and I have watched "The Blind Side" twice this week, and I really like how Leigh Anne tells Michael that Mrs. Oher will always be his mama, but she's there, too. It resonates with me.

"Its all about the mamas lovin' the babies no matter where they came from."

I did not give birth to my stepkids. I am (and obviously always will be) their stepmom. But there's a very key word in that title: MOM. Why would I not love them like they are my own kids? We are a family, and its very frustrating when people (almost always strangers or members of their biological mother's family) get their panties in a wad and tell me that I should be nothing more than a babysitter who happens to be married to their father. That's crap and unfair to the kids. They see me as a mother. They tell everyone that they have 2 moms, and they like it. They know the difference between biological and step, so it's stupid to insist that they use the different terms. Why should we tell them "no" when they say that they want to call me "Mama" instead of "Suzy"? We should not and we will not. I can see how she fears that they are being stolen from her, but how selfish and silly to believe that children have a finite amount of love to give! I know that the vast majority of divorced kids go through a phase where they want their mom and dad to get back together more than anything. The next best thing is to get awesome step-parents that they love like real parents and who love them back. I mean, who wouldn't want that for their kids?

I will be celebrating Mother's Day by celebrating how much I love these 2 beautiful little human beings that God so generously placed in my life and in my heart. Because there's more to motherhood than labor and delivery.

Happy Mother's Day to my mommy, stepmommy, grandmommy, and soon to be mommy friends out there! Special shout outs to my Baby Mama, congrats on your first mother's day, Amanda, and happy "baby's still incubating but I'm totally already a mama" mother's day Sweet Christina) There's more mommies I could link, but that would take a long time. You know who you are!


Vicki J. Dooly said...

It takes a special woman to be able to put up with an ex-wife who is the mother of your new husband's children. Especially when she isn't exactly "cordial" with you. I'm not married yet, but I know exactly what that situation is like. I live it every weekend. I can tell you that it DOES get better though. It took me 2 years of grinning and bearing it around the ex, but things are much better now. Just keep doing what you're doing. I promise you that deep down inside, she's thankful that you love her kiddos as much as you can for a stepmom. But of course she won't ever tell you that! ;-)



3-G The Poet said...

You have an amazing blog, it is really very awesome, if you’re interested here is the link to my blog of poetry, it would be awesome if you could check it out and follow.

Or my facebook page

Hoping you have a wonderful week filled with inspiration and laughter,

Anonymous said...

thank you for telling about mother hood. i'm very thank to you & i love you mom