Thursday, April 16, 2009

heart band-aids?

I love the Lord, because He has heard [and now hears] my voice and my supplications. Because He has inclined His ear to me, therefore I will call upon Him as long as I live. The cords and sorrows of death were around me, and the terrors of Sheol (the place of the dead) had laid hold of me; I suffered anguish and grief. Then I called upon the name of the Lord: O Lord, I beseech You, save my life and deliver me! Gracious is the Lord, and righteous; yes, our God is merciful. The Lord preserves the simple; I was brought low and He helped and saved me. Psalm 116:1-6

I am continually in awe of my own capacity to endure and love. The grass is not greener, and I don't really want your life (unless you drive an Audi, but then I just want your car) and I don't want your pity. I just appreciate your prayers and supplications. Last night was a pretty bad night for me, and I had a pretty nasty panic attack. I was having a hard time even breathing much less praying. Thank you to Dayna and the Spirit for praying for me. When some semblence of calm returned to me, I was able to pray through my tears and, with the help of a ridiculous assortment of medications, eventually got some sleep.

God heard my prayers and those prayers prayed for me, and today I was not in that awful pit that I was in last night. In fact, my heart which was shattered and trampled last night, was restored to the point that I felt chest-bursting happiness for my sweet Cobbs when Eryn messaged me with their amazing news.

I've been wondering for a while when my love was going to run out, when I was going to bottom out and be unable to keep faithfully praying the promises of scripture and loving the people God's blessed me with in my life. God is so good, and I am completely confident that He is living in me because I now know that I will never run out of love. Now, when I will run out of "IN-LOVE" is another matter that only God knows.

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