So, I'm 4 months pregnant, and that's fun. Actually being pregnant isn't the most fun thing I've ever done, but it's so worth it. My throwing up hasn't gone away, but its gotten soooooooooooo much better since we leveled up into the 2nd trimester. I now only throw up once or twice every day or 2, and I'm not nauseous 24/7 anymore. In its place, unfortunately, we have The Headache. It started peaking in at the tail end of my 1st trimester, but then came in with a bang during my 13th week. Like, exploded into a migraine so huge I spent Wednesday-Friday in the hospital, in the dark, with an IV and an assortment of pain meds. The neurologist had them do a CT scan because he could see the fluid/pressure build up behind my eyes. Thankfully, they didn't see anything, but I spent a week on steroids to be safe. Its been 3 weeks and I'm still getting lots of headaches (and 2 or 3 migraines.) Since I've been getting migraines since I was 18 and my neurologist in Dallas informed me that its due to hormone sensitivity, my doctor gently broke the bad news that this was going to be my reality for the duration of my pregnancy. At least he gave me 2 levels of pain meds to try and control it. I have my 16 week check up in the morning, and we're hoping my doctor is true to his word and does an ultrasound so I can know if its my son or my daughter making me feel so yucky!
Other exciting changes... after 8 months of marriage, I finally got around to changing my name on my driver's license. I took Cherie with me and she enjoyed the experience way more than anyone I know. Her good time made me enjoy it a lot, too. When we got there, I discovered that I have Homeland Security flags attached to my social security number. When I got married the first time, I went to the social security office to change my name, found out I didn't have all the required documents, and then never got around to going back. Sooo as far as they are concerned, my last name is still Hall. Whoopsie! It's on my to-do list next week. I'd do it this week, but I'm really wrapped up in the other exciting change we've got going on... we finally got our own place! My mom really doesn't need help anymore, so we've been working on finding a place of our own for months. There was A LOT of drama that went along with it, but finally, God blessed us with a fantastic place, and we're slowly but surely getting all of our stuff transferred over from my parents' house. (For the record, it sucks to move while you're pregnant. I feel really really useless.) We got our keys on my birthday (oh yea, I turned 29 in there) and it was the best birthday gift Hubs could have possibly given me.
Owen's still acting up a lot, and its heartbreaking. Today he got an N because he refused to follow instructions and threw rocks at other kids on the playground. he's about to get a lot more structure and routine during his time with us, thanks to the new place. I'm hoping that a combo of that and more time with Daddy will encourage a change. It frequently feels like spitting into the wind because every time we make progress, it gets destroyed when he goes back to her house. God has a plan with this, and someday, He'll share that. In the mean time... whew!
So yea, my belly's growing, we're settling into our first married home together, and in general, we feel exceptionally blessed.
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Monday, October 18, 2010
the blog post I have always wanted to write
I've been pretty busy lately, and it's a task I'll be pretty busy with for a while longer. I'm helping to create something. Its a "project" we've been working on for almost 3 months now. Let me show you some pictures of this amazing work in progress...
That's right. We're expecting a little miracle in May. We had nooooo idea we'd get pregnant again so fast after losing the baby in July. I'm sad to say that I didn't feel the same overwhelming excitement this time around that we felt last time, but I know its because I was so scared to feel the disappointment I felt. But since the worry has left, I'm there now.
We've already been through some trials with this pregnancy, including my 3 day hospital stay at 6 weeks (Nothing serious: just getting some meds tweaked in a controlled environment.). My doctor is very aggressive and has been amazing in helping us do everything we can to give this baby the best possible chance. We were so blessed to have weekly ultrasounds for most of the first trimester - 5 total. It was incredibly bittersweet when my doctor told me we didn't need them anymore. Horns up: your baby is doing fantastic! Horns down: you don't get to see Baby grow and change every week. Watching how much things change in a week is nothing short of mind blowing! And you better believe that I cried the first time I watched that precious little heart beat!! My doctor isn't at all worried about another miscarriage and has shifted his focus to all the risks I'm facing down the road. There's no guarantee that I will have any of those complications, but we went into this knowing I was high risk, so better safe than sorry. The only guarantee he's given us is that I will delivery before 40 weeks, so that's cool. We'd love to have the baby on Earth Day... hahaha get it? the Green Baby born on Earth Day!
To answer some of the most common questions...
1. "How are you feeling?" Pretty terrible, actually. I've been throwing up since before I had a positive pregnancy test. (which means we went and bought a bunch of tests at the dollar store and my morning ritual became to test. I made the decision that I would keep testing until I either got a positive or stopped throwing up). This method does make the positive a little anticlimactic, fyi. But its better than just throwing up for no reason. Anyway, I've had like 5 positives (I wanted to be really sure at home, and then they also test at the OB's office), and I haven't stopped throwing up. I'm hoping that we're almost done with this part, but I have some friends who were sick until their third trimester or their entire pregnancy. I also have terrible heartburn and lots of the physical aches and pains. I've actually been losing weight (which my doctor is fine with this early, plus they don't want me to gain much anyway) As crappy as I feel, its totally worth it. I'm in love with this little sea monkey.
2. "Boy or girl?" Obviously, we don't know yet. We'll find out in December. And oh yes, we are totally finding out. Its driving me nuts not knowing! I have no idea how people can stand not knowing! As for what I hope it is, I honestly don't care. I always thought I wanted a girl, but now that it's a reality, I don't care. I mean, I would really enjoy having my own little doll to put in tutus and precious little girl outfits, but boys are fun, too. Sheldon is convinced we're having a boy, but he assures me he'll be happy either way.
3. "How do the kids feel about it?" They're SUPER excited. Cherie loves being a big sister so much as it is, and having another sibling is heaven to her. Owen's excited, too, but he's 5 so it's a different excitement. I think he might still be a little confused about what happened to the last baby, because he's not as excited as last time. Last time, he would talk to my belly and always pray for the baby. And then again, maybe he's just not as excited because of his other underlying issues right now. But he is excited.
So yea, there it is. I'm thrilled and just know the next 20 something weeks will absolutely DRAG. I already feel like I've been pregnant forever and we're not quite 1/3 of the way through the process!
That's right. We're expecting a little miracle in May. We had nooooo idea we'd get pregnant again so fast after losing the baby in July. I'm sad to say that I didn't feel the same overwhelming excitement this time around that we felt last time, but I know its because I was so scared to feel the disappointment I felt. But since the worry has left, I'm there now.
We've already been through some trials with this pregnancy, including my 3 day hospital stay at 6 weeks (Nothing serious: just getting some meds tweaked in a controlled environment.). My doctor is very aggressive and has been amazing in helping us do everything we can to give this baby the best possible chance. We were so blessed to have weekly ultrasounds for most of the first trimester - 5 total. It was incredibly bittersweet when my doctor told me we didn't need them anymore. Horns up: your baby is doing fantastic! Horns down: you don't get to see Baby grow and change every week. Watching how much things change in a week is nothing short of mind blowing! And you better believe that I cried the first time I watched that precious little heart beat!! My doctor isn't at all worried about another miscarriage and has shifted his focus to all the risks I'm facing down the road. There's no guarantee that I will have any of those complications, but we went into this knowing I was high risk, so better safe than sorry. The only guarantee he's given us is that I will delivery before 40 weeks, so that's cool. We'd love to have the baby on Earth Day... hahaha get it? the Green Baby born on Earth Day!
To answer some of the most common questions...
1. "How are you feeling?" Pretty terrible, actually. I've been throwing up since before I had a positive pregnancy test. (which means we went and bought a bunch of tests at the dollar store and my morning ritual became to test. I made the decision that I would keep testing until I either got a positive or stopped throwing up). This method does make the positive a little anticlimactic, fyi. But its better than just throwing up for no reason. Anyway, I've had like 5 positives (I wanted to be really sure at home, and then they also test at the OB's office), and I haven't stopped throwing up. I'm hoping that we're almost done with this part, but I have some friends who were sick until their third trimester or their entire pregnancy. I also have terrible heartburn and lots of the physical aches and pains. I've actually been losing weight (which my doctor is fine with this early, plus they don't want me to gain much anyway) As crappy as I feel, its totally worth it. I'm in love with this little sea monkey.
2. "Boy or girl?" Obviously, we don't know yet. We'll find out in December. And oh yes, we are totally finding out. Its driving me nuts not knowing! I have no idea how people can stand not knowing! As for what I hope it is, I honestly don't care. I always thought I wanted a girl, but now that it's a reality, I don't care. I mean, I would really enjoy having my own little doll to put in tutus and precious little girl outfits, but boys are fun, too. Sheldon is convinced we're having a boy, but he assures me he'll be happy either way.
3. "How do the kids feel about it?" They're SUPER excited. Cherie loves being a big sister so much as it is, and having another sibling is heaven to her. Owen's excited, too, but he's 5 so it's a different excitement. I think he might still be a little confused about what happened to the last baby, because he's not as excited as last time. Last time, he would talk to my belly and always pray for the baby. And then again, maybe he's just not as excited because of his other underlying issues right now. But he is excited.
So yea, there it is. I'm thrilled and just know the next 20 something weeks will absolutely DRAG. I already feel like I've been pregnant forever and we're not quite 1/3 of the way through the process!
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Worst. Blogger. Ever.
Its gonna be a mishmash post. That's just the way things are these days.
So, the kids have started school, and that's been going well for one of them. The other? Not so much. I don't know where my sweet little guy went but the mean kid who took his place is so not awesome. And to be perfectly honest, it's embarrassing. No one wants their kid to be the one who changes his color (almost) every day. And no one wants their kid to be a fighter. The first fight was in Sunday school with us a week and a half ago. Unfortunately for him, my classroom window looks out onto the playground. I watched him shove a little boy then stomp on his foot (Owen was in regular shoes, the other little boy was in flip flops.) I met him at the door as they were coming in, yanked him out of line and away from his classmates, gave him stern words and a swift pop on his bottom before sending him back to his classroom to apologize for what he did. Until this week, he was changing his color for talking almost every day in class. Its not like he doesn't get a warning. He just doesn't care. He does stuff like here, too. We tell him not to do something so he turns around and does it again. And again. And again. When I asked him why he was getting in trouble, he lied. And then lied again. And then just got good measure, lied again. He said Kindergarten is too much work (lie.). Then he said he was just tired of school (after 8 days? Lie. Especially since he loved school in pre-K.) And he rounded out the lie-spree with "I'm just tired of Kindergarten, and really ready for 1st grade." That's just ridiculous. He's also taken to yelling in my face when he doesn't get his way. He has yet to get an entire sentence out before that's keebashed. His behavior is getting progressively worse. He got a U in his folder today because he was talking in class, being disruptive, and fighting on the playground. We got an email from his teacher and then a phone call from ex-wife to talk about it. He's misbehaving increasingly at her house, too. She said he stomps around the house, yells, and is generally unpleasant for her, too. I don't know if its just an all of a sudden being upset that his parents are divorced, if he's acting out because his life feels fragmented and compartmentalized, or if its something else entirely. All I know is that something is seriously not right in my poor little guy's head. He has a lot of feelings that he doesn't understand and acts as a direct result. It gets really stressful, and makes it really hard to do fun family stuff. I mean, do we punish him and take away things (toys, outings, etc) or do we just carry on and hope he grows out of this?
He was a lot of fun when we all went to the Texas vs Rice game. It was their first football game, and we did it right, complete with tailgating. Yes I have pictures that will get posted later.
We're very excited about this weekend. Cherie has professed her faith is Jesus and is being baptized! She loves God, and He will use her in mighty ways throughout her life. Its very exciting to see and very humbling to be a part of teaching her to walk His path.
We have some other big changes coming up before the end of the year, and the one I'm currently most excited about is that we're finally getting a home of our own. Okay, we won't own it but I really couldn't care less. We hit a stumble in that path tonight. A house we thought was going to be The House turned out to be something of an abomination when we toured with the realtor tonight. If it was just one thing, maybe 2, I'd be fine. But it was 5 and the absolute deal breaker was the wall of windows in the master bath coupled with the glass surround in the shower. That doesn't sound bad, except that the fence is shorter than the windows and the slats have huge gaps. That means the neighbors can watch you shower. NOT COOL. I know the right house for us is there and we will find it in time to make our October move... Its gonna happen. I'm trusting God on this, and He ALWAYS delivers.
I'm gonna wrap this post up by professing my love for my husband. Lately, we've been squabbling more, but I know it has to do with me being annoyed by everything and him being stressed by a handful of things that have nothing to do with me. But through it all, he is so wonderful. He does everything he can to give me everything I've ever wanted. I love how I never have to suggest it, he always turns to prayer for everything. Having a marriage with God as the center makes all the difference, and I am super blessed to have him. K I'm done.
So, the kids have started school, and that's been going well for one of them. The other? Not so much. I don't know where my sweet little guy went but the mean kid who took his place is so not awesome. And to be perfectly honest, it's embarrassing. No one wants their kid to be the one who changes his color (almost) every day. And no one wants their kid to be a fighter. The first fight was in Sunday school with us a week and a half ago. Unfortunately for him, my classroom window looks out onto the playground. I watched him shove a little boy then stomp on his foot (Owen was in regular shoes, the other little boy was in flip flops.) I met him at the door as they were coming in, yanked him out of line and away from his classmates, gave him stern words and a swift pop on his bottom before sending him back to his classroom to apologize for what he did. Until this week, he was changing his color for talking almost every day in class. Its not like he doesn't get a warning. He just doesn't care. He does stuff like here, too. We tell him not to do something so he turns around and does it again. And again. And again. When I asked him why he was getting in trouble, he lied. And then lied again. And then just got good measure, lied again. He said Kindergarten is too much work (lie.). Then he said he was just tired of school (after 8 days? Lie. Especially since he loved school in pre-K.) And he rounded out the lie-spree with "I'm just tired of Kindergarten, and really ready for 1st grade." That's just ridiculous. He's also taken to yelling in my face when he doesn't get his way. He has yet to get an entire sentence out before that's keebashed. His behavior is getting progressively worse. He got a U in his folder today because he was talking in class, being disruptive, and fighting on the playground. We got an email from his teacher and then a phone call from ex-wife to talk about it. He's misbehaving increasingly at her house, too. She said he stomps around the house, yells, and is generally unpleasant for her, too. I don't know if its just an all of a sudden being upset that his parents are divorced, if he's acting out because his life feels fragmented and compartmentalized, or if its something else entirely. All I know is that something is seriously not right in my poor little guy's head. He has a lot of feelings that he doesn't understand and acts as a direct result. It gets really stressful, and makes it really hard to do fun family stuff. I mean, do we punish him and take away things (toys, outings, etc) or do we just carry on and hope he grows out of this?
He was a lot of fun when we all went to the Texas vs Rice game. It was their first football game, and we did it right, complete with tailgating. Yes I have pictures that will get posted later.
We're very excited about this weekend. Cherie has professed her faith is Jesus and is being baptized! She loves God, and He will use her in mighty ways throughout her life. Its very exciting to see and very humbling to be a part of teaching her to walk His path.
We have some other big changes coming up before the end of the year, and the one I'm currently most excited about is that we're finally getting a home of our own. Okay, we won't own it but I really couldn't care less. We hit a stumble in that path tonight. A house we thought was going to be The House turned out to be something of an abomination when we toured with the realtor tonight. If it was just one thing, maybe 2, I'd be fine. But it was 5 and the absolute deal breaker was the wall of windows in the master bath coupled with the glass surround in the shower. That doesn't sound bad, except that the fence is shorter than the windows and the slats have huge gaps. That means the neighbors can watch you shower. NOT COOL. I know the right house for us is there and we will find it in time to make our October move... Its gonna happen. I'm trusting God on this, and He ALWAYS delivers.
I'm gonna wrap this post up by professing my love for my husband. Lately, we've been squabbling more, but I know it has to do with me being annoyed by everything and him being stressed by a handful of things that have nothing to do with me. But through it all, he is so wonderful. He does everything he can to give me everything I've ever wanted. I love how I never have to suggest it, he always turns to prayer for everything. Having a marriage with God as the center makes all the difference, and I am super blessed to have him. K I'm done.
Sunday, July 18, 2010
joy and pain
So, July has been more of a roller coaster than I ever could have imagined. I have felt the happiest I've ever felt in my life and then turned around and felt absolutely destroyed. Everything can change in an instant.
On July 2nd, Clear Blue Easy changed our lives when the little plus sign appeared. I would love to say that I shared that with Sheldon in some adorable loving way. Nope. I ran into our room and started shaking him going, "SheldonI'mpregnant!" over and over, until he finally woke up. I wanted to scream and cry and shake all at the same time. Excited doesn't even begin to cover how we felt.
I was sick to my stomach our entire trip to the beach, and the actual puking started Sunday evening. I kept being reminded that being sick is a good thing when you're pregnant. I puked and tried to sleep every spare minute for a week. And was over the moon about the little person growing inside me.
Then the ride sped up. On the 11th, we spent 4 hours at the er because I started to spot. The bleeding stopped, my hormone levels were fine, but the ultrasounds showed nothing. Literally. Nothing. That's not uncommon at 6 weeks, so they told me to follow up with my ob. We went to the ob the next day. My pelvic exam was normal, so they did some blood work to check my hormone levels. I started feeling better about the situation and let my excitement come flooding back. Tuesday the ride dropped again. My nurse left a voicemail saying my hormone levels were lower and for me to come have blood work done again. My excitement vanished. Wednesday morning, I called to get the details. She had nothing good to tell me. By lunchtime, I was full on bleeding and the physical pain had rolled in. We spent 7 hours in the hospital to leave with a prescription for vicodin and paperwork with the worst word ever as the diagnosis: miscarriage.
I've been very blessed with incredibly supportive friends and family. I don't understand why I seem to be so unable to stay pregnant. I don't understand why God took this pregnancy away from us. All I know is that He has a plan bigger than me, Sheldon, or a baby. We'll just have to try again and when the time is right, that pregnancy will make it.
On July 2nd, Clear Blue Easy changed our lives when the little plus sign appeared. I would love to say that I shared that with Sheldon in some adorable loving way. Nope. I ran into our room and started shaking him going, "SheldonI'mpregnant!" over and over, until he finally woke up. I wanted to scream and cry and shake all at the same time. Excited doesn't even begin to cover how we felt.
I was sick to my stomach our entire trip to the beach, and the actual puking started Sunday evening. I kept being reminded that being sick is a good thing when you're pregnant. I puked and tried to sleep every spare minute for a week. And was over the moon about the little person growing inside me.
Then the ride sped up. On the 11th, we spent 4 hours at the er because I started to spot. The bleeding stopped, my hormone levels were fine, but the ultrasounds showed nothing. Literally. Nothing. That's not uncommon at 6 weeks, so they told me to follow up with my ob. We went to the ob the next day. My pelvic exam was normal, so they did some blood work to check my hormone levels. I started feeling better about the situation and let my excitement come flooding back. Tuesday the ride dropped again. My nurse left a voicemail saying my hormone levels were lower and for me to come have blood work done again. My excitement vanished. Wednesday morning, I called to get the details. She had nothing good to tell me. By lunchtime, I was full on bleeding and the physical pain had rolled in. We spent 7 hours in the hospital to leave with a prescription for vicodin and paperwork with the worst word ever as the diagnosis: miscarriage.
I've been very blessed with incredibly supportive friends and family. I don't understand why I seem to be so unable to stay pregnant. I don't understand why God took this pregnancy away from us. All I know is that He has a plan bigger than me, Sheldon, or a baby. We'll just have to try again and when the time is right, that pregnancy will make it.
Monday, July 12, 2010
bunch of stuff crammed into 1 entry without a clever title
I know. I know. I should be better about blogging. I have been slacking at uploading pictures, and the only other stuff I wanna blog about isn't really appropriate, so I basically just haven't been bothering to blog. I think I can improve. I know I can.
It's July so we have the kids for the entire month. It's such a blessing, even when they make me crazy. The longest I've gotten to be with them was the 10 days at Christmas, so this is fun. As much as I complain about our living arrangement, I've been pretty grateful for my mom when we both need to be at work. I can just let them sleep in and quietly sneak out at 7:45. That's right, Moms. My kids sleep well past 8am almost every day. The other morning, Sheldon woke them up at 9:30. Owen had been asleep for almost 13 hours at that point. Little dude was just worn out I guess!
We went down to Galveston for the weekend of the 4th with my brother's family. That's always a good time. The kids are pretty much obsessed with each other and shockingly don't fight. I'm sure they will eventually, but for now, we bask in the awesome of that. It rained pretty much the entire way down on Friday, but we woke up Saturday to beautiful sunny skies. We spent the morning at the beach, there was a short storm around lunch time, and then in the afternoon, the men set up the giant water slide pool thing for the kids to play on while they grilled some dinner. Sunday morning, we had another great morning at the beach with an afternoon of the kids on the water slide. It was a lot of fun, even if I did get burnt beyond recognition despite my liberal use and reapplication of sunblock. I'm still peeling and the blisters on my boobs make people cringe. They don't really hurt anymore. Its okay.
Sheldon was on nights this past week so I was single mommin' it in the evenings. Owen is extremely spirited and has some pretty rough days with the whole obeying, keeping his hands to himself, telling the truth, and making good decisions in general. I teetered on the edge. This past Sunday, we had a guest speaker at our church. Ben Glenn spoke a few years ago, and I really enjoyed it. When they announced he was coming back this year, I was really excited and started hyping it up to Sheldon and the kids. Little did I know that God was about to put a big ol' serving of truth in my heart. He told stories about his childhood and how his parents handled it. He told stories about his own kids. After the stressful week I'd had, it really ministered to me about patience and grace. Owen snuggled up next to me during the sermon and it just filled me how much I love the little guy, even when he pushes me to the brink. And then I started crying when he went to the prayer alter and just poured his little heart out to Jesus. It was pretty amazing.
And that's how we rock the suburbs.
It's July so we have the kids for the entire month. It's such a blessing, even when they make me crazy. The longest I've gotten to be with them was the 10 days at Christmas, so this is fun. As much as I complain about our living arrangement, I've been pretty grateful for my mom when we both need to be at work. I can just let them sleep in and quietly sneak out at 7:45. That's right, Moms. My kids sleep well past 8am almost every day. The other morning, Sheldon woke them up at 9:30. Owen had been asleep for almost 13 hours at that point. Little dude was just worn out I guess!
We went down to Galveston for the weekend of the 4th with my brother's family. That's always a good time. The kids are pretty much obsessed with each other and shockingly don't fight. I'm sure they will eventually, but for now, we bask in the awesome of that. It rained pretty much the entire way down on Friday, but we woke up Saturday to beautiful sunny skies. We spent the morning at the beach, there was a short storm around lunch time, and then in the afternoon, the men set up the giant water slide pool thing for the kids to play on while they grilled some dinner. Sunday morning, we had another great morning at the beach with an afternoon of the kids on the water slide. It was a lot of fun, even if I did get burnt beyond recognition despite my liberal use and reapplication of sunblock. I'm still peeling and the blisters on my boobs make people cringe. They don't really hurt anymore. Its okay.
Sheldon was on nights this past week so I was single mommin' it in the evenings. Owen is extremely spirited and has some pretty rough days with the whole obeying, keeping his hands to himself, telling the truth, and making good decisions in general. I teetered on the edge. This past Sunday, we had a guest speaker at our church. Ben Glenn spoke a few years ago, and I really enjoyed it. When they announced he was coming back this year, I was really excited and started hyping it up to Sheldon and the kids. Little did I know that God was about to put a big ol' serving of truth in my heart. He told stories about his childhood and how his parents handled it. He told stories about his own kids. After the stressful week I'd had, it really ministered to me about patience and grace. Owen snuggled up next to me during the sermon and it just filled me how much I love the little guy, even when he pushes me to the brink. And then I started crying when he went to the prayer alter and just poured his little heart out to Jesus. It was pretty amazing.
And that's how we rock the suburbs.
Friday, May 7, 2010
What makes a mom?
I really really love all the commercials lately that recognize that in a person's life, they will have multiple mother figures. There will (and obviously can only) be one woman who actually gave birth to you, but who says you're only allowed one mother?
It's not weird. It's really not. Growing up, I honestly felt like I had a handful of moms because of the amount of time my friends and I spent with each others' families. There are several now-ladies that Lyss and I "adopted" in college. They gave us Mother's Day gifts and everything! Libby still calls me Mama and calls Sheldon her "new daddy". My brother in law calls his biological mother and my mother in law "Mom" because they both fill that role in his life. I hosted a bridal shower a few weeks ago for my sweet friend Ana and there were 2 women there that she considered her mother. How many women call their mother in law "Mom"? I can name at least 10 on that one. Sheldon and I have watched "The Blind Side" twice this week, and I really like how Leigh Anne tells Michael that Mrs. Oher will always be his mama, but she's there, too. It resonates with me.
It's not weird. It's really not. Growing up, I honestly felt like I had a handful of moms because of the amount of time my friends and I spent with each others' families. There are several now-ladies that Lyss and I "adopted" in college. They gave us Mother's Day gifts and everything! Libby still calls me Mama and calls Sheldon her "new daddy". My brother in law calls his biological mother and my mother in law "Mom" because they both fill that role in his life. I hosted a bridal shower a few weeks ago for my sweet friend Ana and there were 2 women there that she considered her mother. How many women call their mother in law "Mom"? I can name at least 10 on that one. Sheldon and I have watched "The Blind Side" twice this week, and I really like how Leigh Anne tells Michael that Mrs. Oher will always be his mama, but she's there, too. It resonates with me.
"Its all about the mamas lovin' the babies no matter where they came from."
I did not give birth to my stepkids. I am (and obviously always will be) their stepmom. But there's a very key word in that title: MOM. Why would I not love them like they are my own kids? We are a family, and its very frustrating when people (almost always strangers or members of their biological mother's family) get their panties in a wad and tell me that I should be nothing more than a babysitter who happens to be married to their father. That's crap and unfair to the kids. They see me as a mother. They tell everyone that they have 2 moms, and they like it. They know the difference between biological and step, so it's stupid to insist that they use the different terms. Why should we tell them "no" when they say that they want to call me "Mama" instead of "Suzy"? We should not and we will not. I can see how she fears that they are being stolen from her, but how selfish and silly to believe that children have a finite amount of love to give! I know that the vast majority of divorced kids go through a phase where they want their mom and dad to get back together more than anything. The next best thing is to get awesome step-parents that they love like real parents and who love them back. I mean, who wouldn't want that for their kids?
I will be celebrating Mother's Day by celebrating how much I love these 2 beautiful little human beings that God so generously placed in my life and in my heart. Because there's more to motherhood than labor and delivery.
Happy Mother's Day to my mommy, stepmommy, grandmommy, and soon to be mommy friends out there! Special shout outs to my Baby Mama, congrats on your first mother's day, Amanda, and happy "baby's still incubating but I'm totally already a mama" mother's day Sweet Christina) There's more mommies I could link, but that would take a long time. You know who you are!
Saturday, April 17, 2010
Neverending trials with my mom
Every single day, I am aware of how much I want to be living in my own home again. It is not a fun feeling to be 28 and living with your parents. God does not like this. God has put me here because my mom needs me, regardless of what else is in my life or how much it annoys me. He really couldn't care less about what I think about it. He's got plans and this is where He put me.
My mom's health has been declining since I got here over 2 years ago. The past year or so have been just one thing after another. She's had so many knee surgeries. She had the GI surgery. She's had potassium issues that landed her in the hospital. She's currently confined to either her bed or a wheelchair because she can't walk. That being said, things have taken a sharp turn for the worse.
Yesterday, the falling started. I was putting on my shirt, about to leave for work (and the only person awake in the house) when I heard a scream and a thud. My mom had fallen out of bed. She said she was reaching for her glasses on her bedside table and just tumbled. The story has changed a bit in her retellings, which is not surprising. I had to wake Sheldon up to help me get her back in bed. She was sore but otherwise okay the rest of the day. This morning, the okay left the building. Around 5, I heard someone calling my name and saying help me. I thought one of the kids was in the bathroom and sick or something. I woke Sheldon up and sent him to take care of it. When he got to the hallway, I realized it was my mom, so I got up and darted in her room. She had managed to roll out of bed (literally) in her sleep and was laying face down on the floor next to the bed. She said she'd been laying there maybe 5 minutes before I woke up. When she was sitting on the floor, she started kind of babytalking (which I cannot stand - ask my kids.) and telling me how she can't put weight on her leg because she has no knee. I told her that wasn't news. We got her in bed, which was horribly unpleasant since Sheldon has an umbilical hernia and is now hurting pretty bad. If it was just the falling, the okay might still be here. Its so much worse than that. At 7:55, my sweet sister in law called and asked if we got a dog. I said, "Um, no?" She said, "Your mom just called me and told me there's a cockapoo puppy in her room and she has no idea how it got in there, but it keeps licking its jowls and moving its head. She said she was gonna have Cherie check into it." Yea, let's go check that. Go into Mom's room with Cherie, and sure enough, she thinks there's a dog in there. She goes, "Look at the cockapoo!" "Where, Mom?" "Right there! You're about to step on it!" I back up REAL fast because I think she's talking about a cockroach and that's a no-go for me. I ask her where the dog is again and she says, "Right next to the door! He's black, don't you see him?" "Mom! That's a PILE OF SOCKS." "No, it's a cockapoo! Socks don't move or have eyes." HOLY CRAP. She looked at her clock and said, "What time is it, 11?" I said, "No, Mom. It's 4 minutes to 8." She said, "Oh, I hate that clock. It's all cattywompus." "No, Mom. The clock is straight up and down." Over the course of the next 2 or so hours, she tells my dad, Sheldon, Cherie, and me that we're all nuts to think that dog is just socks. I had to put the pile of socks, one sock at a time, on her to prove that it was not a dog. She also told my dad that I asked her to call Lizzie (my cousin). I went in and said, "Mom, why would I need you to call Lizzie for me?" She said, "You told me to call her and tell her you're running late, that it's only polite!" "Mom, what would I be running late for with Lizzie today?" "She's throwing you a shower today, isn't she?" "Um, Mom today is my RECEPTION, and no one throws that for you." "Oh, that makes sense." By the time my brother got here at 12:45, she had regressed further. She said she needed to get changed because Sheldon was taking her to the doctor and asked him to pull her privacy curtain. He said, "Mom, there's no privacy curtain. This is your bedroom." She slurred, "This can't be my bedroom. My bedroom would never be this ugly brown color." My mom's room is white with cream curtains and she has maroon and grey striped sheets. No brown. By 1:15, she was talking (frequently in slurs) to the man sitting on her bed with her, and he was very nice. By 2:30, an ambulance was at the house taking her to the hospital, and she was no longer using complete sentences. By 4, she was completely incoherent and flailing her arms.
She's had a CT scan and is heavily sedated. Her primary care doctor has been contacted and she's being admitted into ICU. Her orthopedist and a neurologist are also involved. My dad said that based on what they'd told him, its most likely one of three things: she OD'd on her meds or 2 of them interacted, she's just gone crazy, or she had a stroke. That's completely his speculation, though. We really don't know anything.
Regardless of the cause, this is bad. This is very bad. Please pray for the doctors to find what's really going on here, for her health and healing, and for our patience and sanity while we go through this with her.
My mom's health has been declining since I got here over 2 years ago. The past year or so have been just one thing after another. She's had so many knee surgeries. She had the GI surgery. She's had potassium issues that landed her in the hospital. She's currently confined to either her bed or a wheelchair because she can't walk. That being said, things have taken a sharp turn for the worse.
Yesterday, the falling started. I was putting on my shirt, about to leave for work (and the only person awake in the house) when I heard a scream and a thud. My mom had fallen out of bed. She said she was reaching for her glasses on her bedside table and just tumbled. The story has changed a bit in her retellings, which is not surprising. I had to wake Sheldon up to help me get her back in bed. She was sore but otherwise okay the rest of the day. This morning, the okay left the building. Around 5, I heard someone calling my name and saying help me. I thought one of the kids was in the bathroom and sick or something. I woke Sheldon up and sent him to take care of it. When he got to the hallway, I realized it was my mom, so I got up and darted in her room. She had managed to roll out of bed (literally) in her sleep and was laying face down on the floor next to the bed. She said she'd been laying there maybe 5 minutes before I woke up. When she was sitting on the floor, she started kind of babytalking (which I cannot stand - ask my kids.) and telling me how she can't put weight on her leg because she has no knee. I told her that wasn't news. We got her in bed, which was horribly unpleasant since Sheldon has an umbilical hernia and is now hurting pretty bad. If it was just the falling, the okay might still be here. Its so much worse than that. At 7:55, my sweet sister in law called and asked if we got a dog. I said, "Um, no?" She said, "Your mom just called me and told me there's a cockapoo puppy in her room and she has no idea how it got in there, but it keeps licking its jowls and moving its head. She said she was gonna have Cherie check into it." Yea, let's go check that. Go into Mom's room with Cherie, and sure enough, she thinks there's a dog in there. She goes, "Look at the cockapoo!" "Where, Mom?" "Right there! You're about to step on it!" I back up REAL fast because I think she's talking about a cockroach and that's a no-go for me. I ask her where the dog is again and she says, "Right next to the door! He's black, don't you see him?" "Mom! That's a PILE OF SOCKS." "No, it's a cockapoo! Socks don't move or have eyes." HOLY CRAP. She looked at her clock and said, "What time is it, 11?" I said, "No, Mom. It's 4 minutes to 8." She said, "Oh, I hate that clock. It's all cattywompus." "No, Mom. The clock is straight up and down." Over the course of the next 2 or so hours, she tells my dad, Sheldon, Cherie, and me that we're all nuts to think that dog is just socks. I had to put the pile of socks, one sock at a time, on her to prove that it was not a dog. She also told my dad that I asked her to call Lizzie (my cousin). I went in and said, "Mom, why would I need you to call Lizzie for me?" She said, "You told me to call her and tell her you're running late, that it's only polite!" "Mom, what would I be running late for with Lizzie today?" "She's throwing you a shower today, isn't she?" "Um, Mom today is my RECEPTION, and no one throws that for you." "Oh, that makes sense." By the time my brother got here at 12:45, she had regressed further. She said she needed to get changed because Sheldon was taking her to the doctor and asked him to pull her privacy curtain. He said, "Mom, there's no privacy curtain. This is your bedroom." She slurred, "This can't be my bedroom. My bedroom would never be this ugly brown color." My mom's room is white with cream curtains and she has maroon and grey striped sheets. No brown. By 1:15, she was talking (frequently in slurs) to the man sitting on her bed with her, and he was very nice. By 2:30, an ambulance was at the house taking her to the hospital, and she was no longer using complete sentences. By 4, she was completely incoherent and flailing her arms.
She's had a CT scan and is heavily sedated. Her primary care doctor has been contacted and she's being admitted into ICU. Her orthopedist and a neurologist are also involved. My dad said that based on what they'd told him, its most likely one of three things: she OD'd on her meds or 2 of them interacted, she's just gone crazy, or she had a stroke. That's completely his speculation, though. We really don't know anything.
Regardless of the cause, this is bad. This is very bad. Please pray for the doctors to find what's really going on here, for her health and healing, and for our patience and sanity while we go through this with her.
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